Pointless updating

Well, I've been away for a while because I made a post in my other blog and I've been doing a lot of private journaling on paper, due in part to the serousness of my situation.


I have come to the conclusion that at this time, it is in my best interests, as well as those of others, if I leave this issue aside as much as possible. Of course, I will continue my private journaling on the matter, but it is so precarious that it requires as much delicacy as possible. Without it, I am in serious danger of overexerting my personal boundaries, boundaries that I have found vital to my success.


In fact, much of the reason that I have been as successful as I have been professionally is because I am almost devoid of personality when I am in public.

---much later edit----

So I mentioned private journaling, but that doesn't look so much like a viable option. Here's the thing, the whole deep dark evil thing I'm dealing with (see? it's so bad I have to end my clause with a preposition, contrary to my normal grammarical flavorings) made a huge mistake today. HUGE. It tried to expose itself.

I consider myself trifectally torn among my emotional, biological, and mental functions. Obviously, I like my mental ones and try to stifle the other two whenever possible, in part because they are natural allies (emotions being a base level of survival have strong biological components), and in part because together they might one day weaken my mind enough to do something that I would regret.

Today, they tried, and fortunately, the second that the moment was over, my mind re-established itself with total furor. Fortuantely, my natural inclination to do EXACTLY the opposite of what people recommend to me helped. That, interestngly, is both my greatest strength, because I have absolutely no social fears, but it is also my greatest weakness, because my enemies could corner me n mazes of options where I select the opposite of what they present, thus creating a predictable dilemma.

It was fuckin amazing to have my mind back. Instead of being all oogly over my feelings, I ripped every last page out of my journal I have been writing in, and shredded every last page so that there is no resemblance of it left. I deactivated personally crippling communications relays. I initiated a major countdown, and reestablished control for the first time in weeks. There isn't this brash indecision, but a firm conviction of what must be done to assure my successes remain.

The iron rod is back.