Destroy

So I think I have successfully managed to destroy my last chance at happiness in life. This, of course, is my specialty.

I have this weird spiritual thing where the color of your eyes has a strong correlation to personality traits. People with blue or light blue eyes are part of the sky element, free, open, expressive and creative. People with grey/hazel eyes are part of the cloud element, secretive yet simultaneously emotive. Those with green eyes are the life element, intimately connected with the movements of life and bearers of certain wisdoms about life cycles (i.e., they make good doctors, nurses, etc.). There are the sandy colored eyes who are the nomads of the earth, simultaneously stable, but prone to massive violence. Brown eyed people come in two varieties, which matches the convulsions of the earth. The first set are the highly irresponsible, terribly extroverted, and are lazy. The second are diligent, the workers of the earth and land. They are intimately connected with work, and tend to be excellent farmers, carpenters, etc. (people who love to do things with their hands).

Then there are people like me, with deep blue eyes. We are the loners, those whose lives come from the deepest depths of the ocean, where the chance at contact with another living being is as rare as the ability to breathe.

I am desperate to be alone, but at the same time, something is urging me to conform with society, and become like everyone else, committed, engaged. Every fiber of my being screams at me, "GET AWAY NOW", and I am in such lust to get away from this city that I could scream myself.

I miss freedom. I've been trapped in Colorado Springs without cessation for so long that I can't breathe. I need room to breathe, to be free and away from every being. I need the kind of loneliness that I once had. I need somewhere where I am trapped by the total incapacity to feel anything, like I used to.

I am so nostalgic right now, that I need to burn bridges with everything that once mattered to obtain my ideals.

The wind is blowing, and I am still here.