Wondering What's Wrong

Someone asked me today if I was depressed, because I never really show any element of happiness. I was kind of put off by that. I mean, when I see a funny joke, I laugh, right?

I'm drained, I'll admit. Every morning when I wake up, I feel like jello, and it takes a good thirty minutes for my body to start waking up. Scary thing is that this week has not been one of my weeks where I don't sleep.

On top of that, I have almost no energy at night--perhaps because I spend it all during the day at work, because it's so hectic that I'm always moving at both jobs. Even though I really don't do anything at DOC, I'm still going from room to room. (Speaking of which, I am NOT looking forward to 4 hours there tomorrow...)

I had another (BORING) training session at work this morning, and now I'm trained to sort of do check-out, which is nice because if I'm assigned check-out, I don't have to deal directly with people coming in so much.

But like tonight, I came home, got some stuff and went to Starbucks, but I am just so lethargic in general that I don't feel like asking friends to do anything with me. I just kind of want to sink into a puddle.

Maybe I am depressed. Over the last few years, almost all of my friends have moved, which is difficult. To some degree, it's devastating, because I just don't have anyone who is able to meet with me. And I'm so tired all the time now, I really don't have the energy to put out the effort to go out. I'd rather read (if I can focus long enough to) or work on my masters degree. The only people in town I really do much with are Thom and Stacie...and neither of those has worked out well for various reasons.

I know I'm not hypothyrodic, because I haven't gained any weight, and that's a major symptom. Plus, I don't have the overwhelming tiredness.

I sent cards to Grant and Thom. I'll hear from Grant, because while he's in rehab, he's going to want someone to talk to. Thom won't even acknowledge me.

We're supposed to go to dinner this weekend, but I dunno. I hate this whole get revved up to see him only to be let down by the fact that I might hear from him once every two weeks and see him once a month thing.

I'm tired of everything. I wish I could have a fresh start someplace new...