It's all futile, really

Let's get one thing straight, I know he's not into me. I just know it. My brain is not stupid, it is not blind. Here's the reason: he doesn't make an effort. Two weeks ago, we went to dinner at Slayton's, and I paid the bill. He later said that I shouldn't have had to pay for mediocre barbeque, but I said if it was that bad for him, he could take me out to dinner. You normally don't wait two weeks for something like that if you're interested at all.

He knows that I am interested and yet makes no effort to get a hold of me. Sometimes I'll send texts and get ignored. I get no reciprocity, really. Which is so odd, because when we do happen to meet up--once every two weeks if I'm lucky, we get along pretty well, I mean we talk readily about a lot of different things. But, like I said, I'm not blind.

He says he gets really busy this time of year, but if you're interested in someone, then you make the time for him or her, even when your schedule is crazy. He doesn't really make any time for me.

At this point, I don't pray that he forms an interest in me (I gave up on that, and besides, God doesn't even have that kind of power). I do though that he opens up to whatever man it is that will give him the world and more and one to whom he would be ready to give as well. I really wish people could see how amazing he is really. I mean, it takes a lot for me to be in awe of someone, and I definitely feel that way about him.

The thing is that I won't look elsewhere, because my heart's one strength over my brain is its ability to fixate, and mine has already made it clear that it won't give up until he starts seeing someone else or the day comes when he really is ready to start and he just tells me that I'm not.
So, I will wait, I will do it patiently, even though I already know the outcome; because that's what it means to whatever.

Tonight's going to involve a lot of crying.