Life Quandries

So I have a massive quandary on my hands. Is the original or the modified better?

In some cases, I have to say the original. I mean, come on. Wouldn't the ORIGINAL Book of Kells be better than some copy? Of course. Why? Because of the history embedded with the book, that all of those ntricate diagrams were HAND DRAWN. And because it's the only original left.

But then I've discovered Mamma Mia and ABBA over the last few days and I have the soundtrack and the Greatest Hits album. Some songs on the soundtrack are much better than the ABBA version, I think, namely Lay Your Love on Me and Does Your Mother Know. However, Pierce Brosnan is such a terrible singer and something is so damp about Mamma Mia's Money Money Money, that the original of S.O.S. and Money Money Money, I think are better.

In the end, do I side with ABBA as the generally better of the two, or do I have to side with the modern and modified Mamma Mia?

Besides that, my sister was telling me about her Mass experience last night, how different aspects of modern society are tearing apart families. The big two were abortions and homosexuality. To a great extent, I agree with the first. Abortion is completely irrational as one of those "personal choice" things. Of course the option has to be available for health purposes. No woman should be forced to die because a pregnancy has impacted her Fallopian tubes or anything like that. I don't see a logical argument for other purposes though--ethically, socially, or biologically.

However, I totally and completely disagree with the notion that homosexuality is destructive. It is if you limit your definition of "family" to married mother and father with two.5 children. Are single parent families any less of a family? I don't see how two people who willingly and openly love each other and are willing to demonstrate it under the auspices of the state or of a church are destructive to the image of family.

Here's open honesty time. There was a good period of about a year and a half where I was very vocally against homosexuality. I went so far as to say that they should be banned from breeding. As what happens normally when people are so vociferously against something, deep down, I thought that I was gay, and I was fighting something that I really did not want to be. Of course people in their teens always have these things of uncertainty, but I thought that it was one of those rare and occasional things. Like once a month you look at someone twice sort of a thing. For me, I went through periods of weeks at a time where I was noticing men, not women, twice.

There were a couple of times I did a little bit of mental exploration, imagining what it would be like to date (and of course, since I was like 16, other things) a man. I'm pretty sure I had a man-crush too, and not in the "I have a total man crush on Brett Favre because he's an amazing football player" kind of thing. That's typical male (My typical male man-crush is Usain Bolt. Holy hell, I have never seen one person so DOMINANT in a sport. Phelps had so many close calls probably decided as much by his suit as his skill.) It was more the "I cannot stop havng things pop into my head about this person".

Ok, back to point. Anyways, because I had moments of maturity, I thought about what it would be like to find someone that I would want to marry and have a family with. I of course didn't think that I couldn't get married to a man, even though 30 states had laws against it at that point. I didn't hit me until I was much older and the whole fall-out of Massachusetts reversing same-sex marriage bans happened. I remembered watching the news and seeing a map of the US showing laws. Vermont allowed civil unions, I think Connecticut passed civil unions, but Massachusetts was all alone in allowing it. So many other states were in RED showing bans on same-sex marriage.

It hit me that there are probably at least 100,000 couples who are in loving and committed relationships looking to that little green state for hope. I remembered what I thought about, and I realized that had I actually been gay, then I would have never had the opportunity to marry the person I loved.

That was sort of a wake-up call for me, to see that this way of life is not destructive at all, but nurturing and reinforcing the kind of family values that conservative groups claim to support: ones based on love and self-sacrifice.

It was one of the pivotal factors in my severance from the Catholic Church. Here was a religious body stating that they were promoting Jesus' message on earth (a message, which, despite my doubts about the existence of any deities, I fully support), when they were quieting the most important message of all. I couldn't tolerate the hypocricy of it. (My other social issues regard Church hierarchy and banning female clergy. I've developed some theological problems with it too.)

Homosexuality though was the initial break. When I was still Catholic, I stopped taking communion because I could not agree that hypocricy. Even though I placate my parents by acting Catholic, I will not placate them with last rites if some illness should befall me. I would rather shipwreck my soul in the name of what is right than to allow such injustices to continue.

What comforts me is that I finally have come to peace with all of that part of my life. Sure, for a while (probably longer than most), I thought I was gay. It turns out, I'm not. (I'm pretty sure I'm not straight either...I really cannot picture the whole marriage and love thing for me. I don't really have sexual leanings towards anyone at this point in my life...so, then I'm like a bacterium). What is better is that I'm willing to take such a stand that I know is right legally and morally.

So guess what? Homosexuality does not destroy families, nor does the expression of homosexual love. So there.

Besides that, quests in reading, langauges, work, fnding jobs, applying to grad schools, and sewing continue....