Life Quandries

So I have a massive quandary on my hands. Is the original or the modified better?

In some cases, I have to say the original. I mean, come on. Wouldn't the ORIGINAL Book of Kells be better than some copy? Of course. Why? Because of the history embedded with the book, that all of those ntricate diagrams were HAND DRAWN. And because it's the only original left.

But then I've discovered Mamma Mia and ABBA over the last few days and I have the soundtrack and the Greatest Hits album. Some songs on the soundtrack are much better than the ABBA version, I think, namely Lay Your Love on Me and Does Your Mother Know. However, Pierce Brosnan is such a terrible singer and something is so damp about Mamma Mia's Money Money Money, that the original of S.O.S. and Money Money Money, I think are better.

In the end, do I side with ABBA as the generally better of the two, or do I have to side with the modern and modified Mamma Mia?

Besides that, my sister was telling me about her Mass experience last night, how different aspects of modern society are tearing apart families. The big two were abortions and homosexuality. To a great extent, I agree with the first. Abortion is completely irrational as one of those "personal choice" things. Of course the option has to be available for health purposes. No woman should be forced to die because a pregnancy has impacted her Fallopian tubes or anything like that. I don't see a logical argument for other purposes though--ethically, socially, or biologically.

However, I totally and completely disagree with the notion that homosexuality is destructive. It is if you limit your definition of "family" to married mother and father with two.5 children. Are single parent families any less of a family? I don't see how two people who willingly and openly love each other and are willing to demonstrate it under the auspices of the state or of a church are destructive to the image of family.

Here's open honesty time. There was a good period of about a year and a half where I was very vocally against homosexuality. I went so far as to say that they should be banned from breeding. As what happens normally when people are so vociferously against something, deep down, I thought that I was gay, and I was fighting something that I really did not want to be. Of course people in their teens always have these things of uncertainty, but I thought that it was one of those rare and occasional things. Like once a month you look at someone twice sort of a thing. For me, I went through periods of weeks at a time where I was noticing men, not women, twice.

There were a couple of times I did a little bit of mental exploration, imagining what it would be like to date (and of course, since I was like 16, other things) a man. I'm pretty sure I had a man-crush too, and not in the "I have a total man crush on Brett Favre because he's an amazing football player" kind of thing. That's typical male (My typical male man-crush is Usain Bolt. Holy hell, I have never seen one person so DOMINANT in a sport. Phelps had so many close calls probably decided as much by his suit as his skill.) It was more the "I cannot stop havng things pop into my head about this person".

Ok, back to point. Anyways, because I had moments of maturity, I thought about what it would be like to find someone that I would want to marry and have a family with. I of course didn't think that I couldn't get married to a man, even though 30 states had laws against it at that point. I didn't hit me until I was much older and the whole fall-out of Massachusetts reversing same-sex marriage bans happened. I remembered watching the news and seeing a map of the US showing laws. Vermont allowed civil unions, I think Connecticut passed civil unions, but Massachusetts was all alone in allowing it. So many other states were in RED showing bans on same-sex marriage.

It hit me that there are probably at least 100,000 couples who are in loving and committed relationships looking to that little green state for hope. I remembered what I thought about, and I realized that had I actually been gay, then I would have never had the opportunity to marry the person I loved.

That was sort of a wake-up call for me, to see that this way of life is not destructive at all, but nurturing and reinforcing the kind of family values that conservative groups claim to support: ones based on love and self-sacrifice.

It was one of the pivotal factors in my severance from the Catholic Church. Here was a religious body stating that they were promoting Jesus' message on earth (a message, which, despite my doubts about the existence of any deities, I fully support), when they were quieting the most important message of all. I couldn't tolerate the hypocricy of it. (My other social issues regard Church hierarchy and banning female clergy. I've developed some theological problems with it too.)

Homosexuality though was the initial break. When I was still Catholic, I stopped taking communion because I could not agree that hypocricy. Even though I placate my parents by acting Catholic, I will not placate them with last rites if some illness should befall me. I would rather shipwreck my soul in the name of what is right than to allow such injustices to continue.

What comforts me is that I finally have come to peace with all of that part of my life. Sure, for a while (probably longer than most), I thought I was gay. It turns out, I'm not. (I'm pretty sure I'm not straight either...I really cannot picture the whole marriage and love thing for me. I don't really have sexual leanings towards anyone at this point in my life...so, then I'm like a bacterium). What is better is that I'm willing to take such a stand that I know is right legally and morally.

So guess what? Homosexuality does not destroy families, nor does the expression of homosexual love. So there.

Besides that, quests in reading, langauges, work, fnding jobs, applying to grad schools, and sewing continue....

Back to old habits?

Ugh, this month I was doing so good with my updating, and now, I am not. That sucks.

So, I ate the whole being screwed over by my job thing. I figured that 1143 is better than nada, and I can use it for Ireland. I spent about E450 in cash when I was in Germany for that one week, and I put about E350 on my credit card, so between the intesne amount of work that I've worked over the last two weeks plus the amount I intend to work over the next two weeks, I should be financially covered. I still have over $4000 in bonds, just in case.

I found a receptionist job at an Alzheimer's facility to apply for, but given that the vast majority of receptionists are women, I seriously doubt that the fact that I'm a male is going to play in my favor. So I'll keep looking, with not much hope. I definitely am going to have to get into a graduate school program someplace, or else I'll be pulling minimum wage. What really sucks is that about half of the jobs I am finding are sales positions, and I am so terrible at sales, I couldn't do it.

I did find positions open at my local commissary for like $8.76 an hour, which would be a $.50 cut basically.

I think that it would behoove me to take a medical transcriptionist course. It would cost me like $240, I think.

No matter what, my options look heavily strained.

My Colorado State Application is almost done. I'm going to search frantically for professors tomorrow who can send recommendations for me (stupid to wait for the last minute, I know). I have one person who can attest to my lab work, and then I would need one more person...hmm.

I have made two New Year's Resolutions that I find critical to saving money:

NO BUYING ANY MORE SEWING OR BOOKS UNTIL I FINISH ALL THE ONES I HAVE! The only acceptable exceptions are when I go to Ireland.

MUST SAVE AT LEAST $5000 BY THE END OF THE YEAR. That's $400 a month, and I can do it. I have to do it.

I'm beaten

They won. I can't fight them anymore. All I can do is everything I can to get done as soon as possible so that I can tender my resignation.

By tomorrow, I will be done experimenting with my 18th cell line, and I should have another two analyzed. I'll have one updated in my labnotebook.

I hate this season, I hate what they've done to me, and I hate that I can't do anything about it.

The bizarre, the upsetting, the rude

Bizarre: Utah (WHAT?) is the fastest growing state. I know Mormons have babies, but I didn't know people were really flocking to Utah.

The Upsetting: Know how I was promised $2000 for the course I taught? I definitely am going to get about half of that amount. Fucking A. I mean, seriously. If you were promised something and then you got half of it after you were done, you would be pissed too, right?

My progress towards leaving the lab is not so great. I only have like 296 more samples to run, and I'll have 96 of those on Wednesday, but the whole lab notebook and the whole analyze data thing isn't so hot. Fuck. Just as I was getting the mojo together to leave, it looks like it will definitely take me until I leave for Ireland to quit.

The rude: man, those people at UCCS offices are rude. Dude, I graduated. I'm not giving money to this schoool at this rate. I'll keep it for myself.

Grad Schools, Part I

Ok, so I was terribly stupid in NOT starting grad school apps earlier than I did....which was Thursday night at 11:30 PM.

Basically, I'm starting to think I'm not going to get in anywhere.

I did get GRE scores sent to MIP program at CSU and the Classics program at CU-Boulder, so that's cool. I'm sending off all of my transcript requests for both schools tomorrow, then all of my requests for Iowa, Catholic, and Boston College on Tuesday (speaking of which, I need to get GRE scores out there too....). So that should take care of the official stuff. Tomorrow night after work, I'm going to submit all of my applications for those universities.

That would leave securing applications and writing personal statements. I get a good idea of what I would say for medieval, classics, and Irish studies programs, so that's good. I think I need to look for one more science oriented program, in case I do not get in at CSU.

Enraged

I am totally and completely furious right now. As in, my hair is on FIRE angry. As in, I must repress the urge to break dishes angry.

So I come into the lab to work and set up some cells, whatever. I get here, and there's a manilla envelope waiting for me. I think it's work that Dr. Wolkow (check my other blog for details on him. Try around May 2007.) needs me to do for him, because Ray has doormat written all over him. It's not. It's my pay information for the methods course. Dated, conveniently, August 24. WHY AM I GETTING THESE THINGS FOUR MONTHS LATE????

On top of that, the document they want me to sign says that I'm going to get $1144 for my work. HELL NO. I was promised $2000, and I am not taking an over 800 dollar cut without some kind of explanation as to why they want me to sign these documents after the semester is over, why I'm getting a deduction, and why I did not get this information until after the semester is over.

Anyways, it has provided me the motivation I need to finish working in this lab. I'm going to finish cell line #18 on Wednesday, and by Christmas, I should be seriously caught up on writing in my lab notebook on at least 5 more cell lines. Because of how I set my system up, I really don't have to write a hell of a lot for each experiment that I did.

To calm myself down, I'm going to do one of those year in review things:

What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Had crazy rampant and random sex? Hmm...not quite.
I did however consume actual alcohol for the first time
I also voted for the first time

Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I made four big ones. The first one totally blew up, however, I keep trying. The second one looks promising (straight A's), the third one was a go (graduating), and the fourth one was supposed to happen (saving $3000), but didn't because of how extensively I've been fucked over by this lab.

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yep, my friend Stacie gave birth to a beautiful baby boy a week ago today

Did anyone close to you die?

Not really. My grandfather died, but due to his dementia, I kind of saw the grandpa I knew as dead already. I frankly was more bothered by Brandon dying (it's like four years now, and it still bothers me really badly) than I was by him dying.

What countries did you visit?

Germany, England, and Austria

What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Appropriate pay?

What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

March 21. Personal reasons.


What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Hello? WRITING TWO THESES!!!!

What was your biggest failure?

March 21.

Did you suffer illness or injury?

Yes, I had this massive flu at the beginning of the year, a cold over summer, and then these weird day sicknesses on graduation and my 21st. No serious injury.


What was the best thing you bought?
Hmm......I dunno. Plane ticket to Ireland?

Whose behavior merited celebration?

Stacie definitely, having worked so hard, and gotten screwed over by her asshole of an ex.

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Mine. My lab's.

Where did most of your money go?

Alcohol, Coffee, Germany

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Getting all of these 'great' things, job offers, 'raises' 'pay' etc.


What song will always remind you of 2008?

Angels, by Within Temptation

Compared to this time last year, are you:

i. happier or sadder? Sadder

ii. thinner or fatter? About 15 pounds thinner

iii. richer or poorer? MUCH POORER

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Work on my languages, applying to grad schools BEFORE deadlines....

What do you wish you'd done less of?
Letting people walk all over me like a door mat.

How will you be spending Christmas?

At home, working on lab stuff so I can get the hell out of here sooner.


Who did you spend the most time on the phone with in 2008?

I dunno, I hate telephones.

Did you fall in love in 2008?

No, actually, I became really entrenched in the whole "I hate people" thing.

How many one-night stands?

Oh, probably three or four hundred.

What was your favorite TV program?

I watched basically no TV this year, except football.

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Yes. The EVIL EMPEROR.

What was the best book you read?

Dood, I really did not get to read much pleasure reading, so probably one of my Irish history books.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

Within Temptation

What did you want and get?

A job

What did you want and not get?
PAY FOR MY JOB

What was your favorite film of this year?

I saw, literally, no movies this year.

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 21, but was ragingly ill that day. I went to class from 10:50-1:30, I worked from 7:00 AM-10:50 AM and 1:40-6:00 PM, and then I went home and went to sleep until about 10:45, got water, and went back to bed.


What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I seriously cannot emphasize this enough. GETTING PAID

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Who loves long sleeves? RAY!

What kept you sane?

Lots of swearing

What celebrity/figure did you fancy the most?

I hate celebtiries. Go to hell famous people!

What political issue stirred you the most?

The primary season. I knew the dems were going to win, so general election was all meh.

Who did you miss?

Pshah. I have to say Maricor, because she's the only person who reads this.

Who was the best new person you met?

I really didn't meet anyone new. Hmm.

Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:

There's a reason why people need to keep their pants ON. Well, I've always known that, but this year showed me that if there's one thing this society needs, it's less reproductive energy.

Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.


Sparkling angel, I believe, you were my savior in my time of need. Blinded by faith, I couldn't see, all the whispers, the warnings so clear.

Wirklich? Ray hat seinen BS und BA?

JA!

So I graduated today. Unfortunately, I was sick. Boo.

Interesting tidbit. I went through all of the names for people who graduated this semester in my college. Grand total of like 11 or 12 summa cum laudes. I was the ONLY BS Biology summa, the ONLY BA Philosophy summa, and one of three historians. Apparently, the history people are really smart, because we had the most summas. But yeah, two of us accounted for five of the twelve summas graduating.

The nice thing is, graduation took like 2 hours.

So yea, now I'm Raymond Schultz, B.S., B.A., and total BADASS.

PLUS, I started on graduate school applications. My apps to Colorado State are already almost done. Fortunately, they do NOT require an original GRE score (they let me copy my grade report). I just need to hunt down my recommenders and write a statement.

Next on the docket will be CU-Boulder, followed promptly by Iowa, Connecticut (?), Boston College, and someplace else?

I started Irish this week, and I think I've gotten the verb "ta" down. I have broad and slender pronunciations down for maybe three consonants (not good...).

I also am reattempting my fascination with Latin---Bis das, si cito das.
Not that it's terribly hard.

I need to work on more French, German, and Greek too. I don't know how people like the pope do it, speaking like 14 languages or whatever. Everytime I try to focus on one of them, I lose focus on my other 5. I probably should brush up on Spanish too...

Irritated

Despite the fact that I am FINALLY done with school, I still find myself incredibly resentful over my experiences this last semester. In part, because of how stifling it really was. I mean, I only took 16 hours this semester (my least EVER), and I was by far more stressed over the last four months than I ever have been with school. History of Medicine, while an incredibly insightful class, was pure overkill. My thesis was beautiful, except for a couple of parts where I couldn't find any poetry to fill in my primary source gaps.

I have definitely found my care for the science world sucked out after this semester. I mean, really. If you took on all of these jobs with as many promises as were made to me, and then you get absolutely none of them, would you want to stay in the field? I've been told so many times not to gneralize my experience at this university to science as a whole, but I have found science to be suffocating here. In part, because the department does not have enough people to teach. But the other part is that they are satisfied with passing off substandard students with the same degree that I frankly busted my ass for.

Basically, over the last two semesters, I've been fucked over by NOT getting:

A degree that conveys any sense of respect
Over $3000 in pay
Trips to conferences that were promised to me
Publications, also promised to me (at least in biology, my chemistry professor needs it and has worked so much with me...for her I am quite thankful).

Why have I put so much work into all of this? To be screwed over so easily....

On the other hand, I feel like I've gotten a certain sense of recognition for my work in history and philosophy, and those departments actually appreciated my contributions to course work that were even scientifically oriented. With my langauge background, I'm quite satisfied in this land.

Seriously though, compare my transcript records in the fields. In biology, I've taken over 35 hours, chemistry 25, Spanish 15, French 11, German 4, Greek 4, Latin 4, History 18, Philosophy 30.

I feel like I've worked this hard for NOTHING. There has been no reward whatsoever for my dedication and my tiring efforts. What happened to the whole "if you try as hard as hell and do your best, you get rewarded?" I don't know. I've found that instead of recognition, I've gotten scorn.

It's kind of weird, because my out an email inviting everyone to a lunch that the lab (aka, me) pays for. I think I mentioned this...but actually, I would PREFER to go to my graduation over going to this lunch. I never thought I would ever say that I want to go to a graduation over anything...

Today was a slight measure of progress. I expanded my cell lines so that I have multiple flasks of cells. I'm going to let them grow a couple of days before I expand some more. I think I'm going to spend some time tomrrow getting caught up on my lab notebook and some of my data analysis so that way I can just LEAVE whenever I go to Ireland. I do NOT want to be attached to that lab come January 22. I think I can be caught up by then, but one never knows about these things.

Sigh, if that's the case, then I have 35 days left, more or less.

TIME TO START GRAD SCHOOL APPS!

Ich bin fertig!

Well...almost. I have an almost draft of my final exam done, just one conclusive paragraph to write. My final exam's length? 17 pages. So, on my three tests this semester, I wrote 11, 13, and 17 pages, single spaced, which kind of equals 41 single *2= 82. Then on top of that, I have 9 pages on an Arrowsmith essay (91) and 11 on Avicenna (102), plus like 12 for in-class work (114). I have NEVER written so much for one class and gotten so little recognition for it ever.

How irritating. How frustrating. How argh.

Well, tonight I still have to edit the damn thing, and I'm not so sure about it still. I'm pretty sure having written that much, I'll guarantee myself at least an A- (I only need like a 76% on the final to get an A, and I think I got at least that much...). Worst case scenario, I get a B+ (66% on the final, I have no idea how I would get that low with this much writing!). Realistically speaking, I'll probably get an A- in the course, which would be my first.

Right now, it's pretty clear that I got A's in German and Greek, so my semester cannot possibly drop below 2.0, since those two classes comprised half of my total course load. My best guess is that with 2 A-'s (history of medicine and piano), my GPA becomes a 3.925 for semester (not terrible, but could always be better), and then my overall one for all of college becomes a 3.993. Whatever.

So, I'm going to need at least an hour break from this paper before I can start reading it. It looks like tonight's going to be a late one.......

I HATE COMPUTERS

So, I am almost up to three pages (single spaced, of course), on my long essay for my history of medicine final. This puts me at....14 pages single so far? I can tell that by the time I'm done with this, it's going to easily be 20 pages long.

Why I hate computers is that first, I wrote this nice long paragraph on Samuel Thompson and his metaphor of the digestive system as a stove, and then I went to change a song on my laptop. The music control button is right next to ALT and then the button to change the song is right above F4. We see where this is going. So I go to change the song and then I sneeze and shut off my word document. Basically, that sucked. I lost about half a page that I'm going to re-write before going to bed....maybe?

The other reason I hate computers: DISTRACTIONS! I mean, on the one hand, you have the internet, which is the spawn of Satan because it is a constant distraction among youtube, blogs, news sources, and whatever I want. My laptop fortunately has no internet access, I mean, I totally obliterated any chance of hooking it up to the internet short of stuffing the jack with clay. Unfortunately, it has games on it, like your solitare variety (must delete those...), and then I have a couple of medieval war and star trek games that I need to deinstall on there. Basically, I need to turn it into my document writer and that's it.

On top of all of these issues, I still have all of my job issues. I figured out that between the whole not getting paid to teach and the not getting paid the level I'm supposed to be paid, I was gyped out of about $2850 this semester, and I don't have the balls to bitch. In my panicked post earlier, my boss wrote to me about getting paid...it was this weird mess of things that just make me angry to think about. Anyways, someone else had to tell her that I'm not being paid, and when she brought it up in the email, I totally ignored that part.

I got this cryptic part where they wanted me to set up an appointment to turn everything in, but it turned out to be a miscommunication somewhere (I'm telling you, it's not from me....) and now I've got til Jan 21 to finish as much of my work as I can. After I get back from Ireland, they're promising me 10 hours a week...while the members of the evil empire still get 40. If I can get a job lined up for the day I get back from Ireland, then I'll tell them that I'll stay till Jan 21 and then I'm gone. That's essentially more than fair, right? After getting screwed out of that much money, my heart really is not into making that lab a better place. If they want me to organize things or to do non-science work, I'm ok with that, but science fucked me like a sick monkey, and I really don't want to do anything that might make the lab look better.

So tomorrow, I'm going to go to the lab, thaw my three cell lines, and set up as much crap as I can to be done with the lab by then. For example, I'm going to label all of my flow tubes for the next couple of weeks, make loads of media, etc. That'll probably be all I do tomorrow because of this goddamn final, but then come Tuesday-Thursday, I'll be pounding the cells as much as I can, proliferating them, and experimenting on them from Sunday to Thursday. Then, between Dec 26 and Jan 21, it's massive analysis time, rampant lab-notebook catch-up time, and then turn everything in time. Again, my hope is that come Feb 13, I have a job lined up that will pay me more than $90 a week.

So my guess right now is that I'm screwed.

On really cool news, I jsut found sheet music to Nightwish for piano, which is totally exciting. Even though it looks hard, I'm going to have to try it out...

Desperately trying...

Ugh. I've had the whole last two days to work on my history of medicine final, and right now, all I can show for it is a little more than a page single spaced. Shit. However, I promise to you all, my ever so faithful readers, that I will have at least 3 pages done tonight, including everything on the whole "body as a permeable sac" thing.

I despise this whole final exam thing the week of graduation. I also really despise how my sister is at home happily baking cookies while I'm stewing over what the hell I'm supposed to write.

On the good news front, I've guaranteed myself my job in the lab next semester, but only for 10 hours a week (apparently, they don't have the funds...? Maybe that's why I've never been paid?). That does mean that I need another job, probably one on campus. I don't think my parents will be thrilled with me living in their house making 90 something dollars a week....

I forgot to include...I think...that I'm really excited to clean up my room and get rid of crap that I don't need anymore, which means another round of things to donate to Goodwill. This will ultimately include a nice number of overly religious items I bought in my whole "I want to be a priest" phase. Unfortunately, I did not catch a case of iconoclasty with that....

So, basically I have like 36 hours to finish this final? 16 of which I'll definitely be asleep...so 20. I'll be working for probably 10, so basically I have 10 hours to do my final. Maybe I should work on it more?

SO CLOSE!!!

I have no finished all except one of my classes....and, of course, it's history of medicine that is still hanging around my neck. I finished the two paragraph papers and the two short essay responses (still have to edit them...). Now, all that's left for me to do is the massively long paper on metaphors. I do have some self-plagiarizing that I am going to be doing here, but not enough to significantly decrease my load.

My guess? Long essay will probably be between 8 and 10 pages single spaced. It's worth 15% of my grade, so that sucks. Basically though, I figure I'll probably get a good 48/50 on the first half of the test, so I only need to get like an 80% on the second half and my A holds. A 50% holds me to at least an A-, and while I don't really want an A- after how much I've put into this course, I don't want to kill myself doing this last essay.

I am so tired.

However, in 5 days, I'm done. Graduated, woot, whatever.

So going back to my job, which will probably be gone. I decided that I'm going to go into the lab to finish my work when my boss isn't around, so that way I can get a hell of a lot done, a hell of a lot of pay, and avoid the whole "you're fired" business. The day they do fire me is the day I demand my $2,000 instantaneously. I have 3 cell lines, a ton of analysis, and almost all of my lab notes to re-write. Whatever.

These are the top ten things I'm looking forward to after Friday:

1. Starting Gaelic
2. Going to Ireland
3. Watching Pride and Prejudice
4. Finding a decent paying job
5. Quitting my not-decent paying job
6. Applying to grad schools
7. Getting into grad schools
8. Saving a ton of money
9. Getting published
10. Doing my independent work in French, German, Gaelic, Greek, and Latin

I'll post again as soon as I FINISH my History of Medicine FINAL.

Schisse

Shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit...............

Apparently, my ranting and raving about not getting paid has made its way to my boss.......

I'm so fucked. Must hide for the next week in the language lab, work in this lab on weekends, nights, anytime boss will not be around until my ass gets fired.

SHIT!!!!!!!!

8 down, 8 to go....

So I am now done with 8 credits, and I have 8 to go...

What sucketh the most is that I have so MUCH GDF History of Medicine to go. Seriously, people. This is like too much at finals time. I wish the prof would tell me that I don't have to answer one of the questions on the final or something for doing the paper. Or better yet, maybe I can convince her to let me take 10% out of my final grade rather than my portfolio grade. If so, I would not have to work near as much. But, whatever.

So the rest of the week looks like this:

Tonight: Finish Avicenna paper, make up some stuff for presentation tomorrow
Tuesday: Listen to science papers I don't care about, give said presentation, sit through German, work on long essay for history of medicine final
Wednesday: Work, FINISH history of medicine final
Thursday: Listen to more science papers that I don't care about, sit through History of Medicine final review that I won't need (i.e., editing time), sit through ONE LAST GERMAN CLASS, edit HoM final, study for German final, study for piano final
Friday: take German final, take piano final.

Schize, folks, that's just so that I can be done with this semester this week instead of next.

Ok, enough bitching, time to start editing yet another paper....

DONE, PEOPLE

I did it. Last night, I mustered every ounce of motivation that I had left in my body, and I finished my thesis. It's done people. Well, knowing me, I'm going to take one more glance at the formatting, to make sure I got it all right, but other than that, I'm done. I went through my customary three drafts of thesis work, and it looks gorgeous. Of course, I went way over the limits that were placed on it. The original length was supposed to be 25-30 pages...and Ray wrote...67. Hmm.

So, on my three largest papers in my three and a half years in college, I wrote a grand total of:
101+74+67 pages. That's just the big three. I think I've written at least 40 pages in History of Medicine this semester, and I still have the take home final to do. Not to mention that I still have to actually finish my paper for that course by tomorrow morning (two edits coming...) and actually have some kind of presentation in mind. Damn.

But, Tuesday represents transition point of this finals period. Today and tomorrow morning's focus has to be on my Avicenna paper and my Greek final, unfortunately, in that order. Once those two things are done, the rest of the week gets devoted to the History of Medicine final exam, which was just posted online like 8 hours ago (does my professor sleep?), my German final, and my piano final. I really would like these things to be done before Saturday, because I WANT TO BE DONE.

That's really the only thing motivating me right now-the fact that I am SO close to being done, and that all I need to do is just push a little harder, and I'll be done. Right now, I care a lot less about grades than I do about just surviving.

As is customary, I must indulge you all with the bare minimums that I need to get A's in my classes, because I'm a grade obsessed whore.

Greek=34%
History of Medicine=89.3% (WHAT? I've worked my ass off all semester in this class and this is all I can slack?)
German=81%
Piano=85%

Doods, that sucks.

What sucks more is that I think I'm coming down with some kind of nasty infection. I mean, seriously, body. I've managed to fight off everything that came around for the last 14 weeks, and now, all of a sudden, my body says "too bad, Ray, you're screwed this week. Immune system is going on vacation early." Whatever.

I really want some fruit right now....

Motivation gone!

Crap. I have absolutely no motivation to work today. AND I'M SO CLOSE TO DONE!!!
ARGH!

Senioritis sucks. I have only 5 more days to go, I need to get riled up, not slowing down. Ugh. I hate this.

Whatever, I'll at least comment that I have made some progress today--I finished off studying for Greek, I've got times down (dative for on X day, or within x Days; accusative for duration), I've got my tis words and my pas words down.

I also have practiced Sonatina an inordinate number of times today, along with Carol of the Bells, Deck the Halls, and America. The thing is that we have to count out loud, and while I can play This Land better than America, I quit counting on the first piece, because I play faster than I can count.

I NEED TO WORK ON MY THESIS MORE. But, I can't. I'm so unmotivated.... Dammit. Dammit. Dammit.

Accomplished tasks!

So, I now have my SECOND draft of my thesis done. w00t. All I have to do is one more draft (YES!), make my citations pretty, make my PAPER pretty, and then I AM DONE WITH MY THESIS.

If I can do all of this tomorrow, I will be incredibly happy. I'm gonna try...

I've done some reviewing of my Greek. I definitely need to review what the tinas (either interrogative pronoun or indefinite article) mean, how the auton (third possessive, reflexive, couple other uses) and the pantas (alls, everys) are used. But these are little things...

I practiced my piano some tonight also (will do some more after finishing this post). It looks like I'm gonna go with This Land is Your Land, Deck the Halls, and Sonatina for my three performance pieces. I also have to practice Spring and Carol of the Bells over the week, as well as my C scales, major/minor/diminished/augmented chords. Gonna be tough...

Tomorrow=FINISH THESIS, study Greek, get all caught up on German homework, practice piano, edit Avicenna.

Holy cow, folks, the end is coming!

GAH!

Omg. This week sucks!

My list of things to do has grown. Friday now=German and Piano finals.

So, I did get some accomplishments done by finishing my first edit on pages 18-30 of my first draft of my thesis, which should get me to 20-32 of my second draft. Over 50% of the way through draft two, which I guess is good. It's better than I had anticipated, considering I was planning on doing pages 20-40 today, so I'll go as far as I can.

Aside from the devil that is thesis, I still have my Greek final on Monday. Although I really only need like a 10% on the damn thing, I really would like to do well on it. Then, at some point, I have to edit my Avicenna paper for HoM. I frankly don't know why I did it. On the writing portfolio section of the class, thanks to my one drop, I now easily have an A on that, and this paper gets taken out of the writing portfolio grade. Stupid me.

Those are the devils of the first half of my week. By Tuesday, I'm down to 8 hours that I have to care about at all.

German=ick too. I have a stupid interview to do that's like 20 questions long and then this massively huge test that I can't drop unfortuantely. Basically though I have like a 98% in the class, and that includes several homework assignments that she thinks I didn't do. Whatever. I'm pretty sure it's one of those do it and get an A things.

Piano is going to be kind of hard I think. We get to pick the pieces that we play for her, and I really have "This Land is Your Land" nailed down, so I'll definitely be playing that one. Then I have a choice between "Deck the Halls" and the "Hallelujah Chorus", both of which I've got down pretty well. Finally is one out of like 5 pieces, only two of which I've actually played, thanks to missing part of the course in Munich.

In all, it looks like I haven't made too huge of a mistake going to Germany, but this week is going to be REALLY stressful. The week after is breezy piece of cake stuff, which is just doing my HoM final.

Money situation looks quite grim, I must say. I currently have like $200 in savings, $40 in checking, and $400 in debt. Something doesn't add up here.

Fortunately, I have over $4000 in bonds, about one third of which will be used in Ireland.

I was looking on US NEWS report, and U of IA has an amazing history program too. You have to pick two specialties, and I think I would go with early medieval European and African. By the way, I am now like 75-25 in going for history. I'm thinking that my science master's will be in forensic science, so if I have to, I can get a job in CSI crap, but I can also really use that to analyze bog bodies and such too. I dunno. It's too much.

Whatver. I MUST do homework now.

Holy crap, I graduate in TWO WEEKS

It's so hard to believe that my undergraduate experience is almost over, that now, suddenly, I'm going to be done with college. I mean, seriosuly folks, this is it.

However, unfortunately, I still have to finish everything. There's no relaxation over the next two weeks, but rather, headlong, full force pushing through with the work I have left.

This is the progress that I've made this week:
1. I have a draft of my paper due in HoM on Monday.
2. I finished a draft of my thesis, and have totally edited the first 20 pages of it. Only 40 to go....
3. I finally got down my C major scales (like, I can play them without looking at the fingering guide).
4. I'm starting to get a handle on Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring.


That's all the progress I made this week, unfortunately. Here's what the next week looks like:

Monday: Greek final
Tuesday: Avicenna paper due, Presentation to be given
THESIS DUE
Wednesday: Break---
Thursday: Work on HoM final (take home...YES!)
Friday: finish up as much of piano class as possible (final?) and German final

Obviously, then, this weekend's agenda is really simple. Finish thesis. Finish THESIS. TOTALLY.

Actually, I'm not totally sure that I can do it this weekend. I'm going to read my first 20 pages one more time, and then transfer them over to a final save copy with my title page and stuff today. My guess is I'll probably just take it 20 pages a day, so I edit pages 21-40 tomorrow and then 41-60 on Sunday.

Good things for this week:
1. I only need a 10% on my Greek final to get an A.
2. I'm going to be done with 5 out of 6 classes.
3. I'm basically going to secure Summa Cum Laude
4. There's like no distraction available--football is not really much to watch (I hate the SEC, so I don't care who wins between bama and florida)

Bad things:
1. The intense volume of work ahead of me
2. I can't really work at either of my jobs, so I'm going to make no money in this pay period.
3. I still have no clue what the hell I'm doing with my life.....

Initiate massively high stress

Holy. Shit. People.

It's becoming rapidly clear that I'm pretty much done next week. Not the week after, next week.

My Greek final is on Monday.
My Thesis (nowhere near done, by the way) is due Tuesday
My Avicenna work is due Tuesday.
My German final is next week.

On top of that, I have the nagging problems of piano to worry about too.

Fuck, why did I go on vacation????
I'm starting to literally pull my hair out. Ok....time to finish Avicenna.